i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just want nice things and good sex
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
