Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
