just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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