Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
