time to smoke my breakfast
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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