Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
