as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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