His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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