My liver just broke up with me...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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