Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
