I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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