My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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