I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
