Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
