masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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