I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
