like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
