That's intense
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
