:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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