i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Randomize
