Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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