what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
