You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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