you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
