I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
should my penis look like a turkey
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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