I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
