My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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