I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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