I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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