Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
