maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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