he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
