The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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