She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
