i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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