If that was your dad, he is hot
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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