Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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