I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
This house was built for laser tag.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
