kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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