Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I touched a dick in church today
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
