6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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