On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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