it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
