This is not my ceiling
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
