it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
