For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
