he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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