Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
