Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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