Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
