i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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