Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You ruined the universe
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
