well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
