accomplished twins. life is a go
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
