i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
